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C O L O U R S
July 30, 2009 COLOURED.


come back to me only if u still love me
dun come back to me if u pity me
i dun wan u to leave me again

4:24 PM

July 19, 2009 COLOURED.


confession

today is my junior wedding day and i need to be the brother. i didnt wan to go one as i just wanna stay at home n have some rest. but he kept bugging me to go as he said he wan to intro a nurse to me who happens to be one of the sisters.

since everyone is telling me to go out more often n get to know ppl so i just go la...

didnt sleep last nite at all after watching harry potter with guildies n slacking until last train. then just stay online until the time is up for me to go my junior house.

did the usual rituals of being tortured before we can go in the bride house. after that i think everyone is like checking each other out. the brothers looking at the sisters the sisters looking at the brothers.

when my junior pointed out the nurse to me, i got no comments. just take it as its not my cup of tea. but quite alot of the brothers were interested in her as her assets are quite awesome. but she dun interest me.

so my eyes went one round n inspect the girls. hmm only 3 look not bad, but further n closer inspection only 1 is more acceptable. but who am i to choose anyway. like im some drop dead gorgeous guy lol.

then i began missing my ex again.

is it really beauty in the eyes of the beholder or my ex is just too fabulous.

no matter how i look at other girls i still feel that no one can match my ex. they can never compare to her, not as attractive, not as ke ai, not as sweet, not as caring as my ex. they just dun cut it.

i confessed i do check on her updates on facebook n blog once a while to see hows she doing. i try not to check too often in case i will emo when i see her write abt her bf. its not as bad as last time but i will still feel very sad.

try as hard as i might, i just cant get over this hurdle. that is myself. i just cant get myself to forget her. i dun tink she reads my blog anymore.

i used to be carefree until i met her. then it all changed

my life revolved around her, she became my everything and i planned my future around her.

blame it on me for neglecting her n not showing her enough to know that i care.

at the wedding dinner as they play the photo montage of the couple. i kept thinking abt her.

i wish her happiness but its a bitter pill for me to swallow. i wanted her so badly but if shes not happy with me then its pointless. it is really very hard for me to take it.

i miss her so badly. i so wanted to call her or msg her to tell her i miss her yet i dun wish to disturb her current happiness. i guess thats why im writing here.

if u have been reading my blog u know in the past i wouldnt write abt all this emo things at all becos its so not me. but this is the way i am now. i really shouldnt see so much couple couple things then i wouldnt think so much.... arrrrghh

how do u teach someone to forget a person when she's alr embedded in his heart.
how do u replace a missing jigsaw piece with another when its unique

love love, i miss u so much
can u pls come back to me

11:50 PM

July 03, 2009 COLOURED.


i used to laugh at ppl who cant handle relationships.

now i guess ppl are laughing at me.

in the past i tot nothing of sailing
now i felt its dangerous out there with each and every sailing
i hope i can touch land safely every time
cos u never know one day u never get to see the world again.

life is short
thats life
i have nothing to look forward to anymore

3:08 AM

July 02, 2009 COLOURED.


just like im being killed...
over
n over
n over
n over
n over
again

i tink im going crazy

1:21 PM


if i dun have any feelings for her anymore, i wouldnt be feeling like this at all...

why why why

do u still love me?
if yes can we stop torturing ourselves
can we get back together?
i really cannot take this anymore

5:09 AM

July 01, 2009 COLOURED.


yesterday i went to watch transformers at cineleisure with some guildies from WOW. it was the first time that i ever went out with fellow gamers, kinda stupid right considering i was at my old guild for so long and every week they have outing but i didnt go to a single one. but this guild i barely joined for 2-3 months then i go meet them liao.

maybe it was becos i was really feeling lonely and i dun wanna stay home n rot anymore. but anyway it was quite interesting seeing them for the first time. lol

n on my way home i saw a msg by a familiar number. it was my ex, i tot she need me to help her buy something for fluff again. but when i read the msg, i was taken aback. very very taken aback.

i really never expect something like that to come from her. i was so surprised. all along i tot ever since the day she left me she had no feelings for me alr when she got a new bf.

back then i tot how could she be so heartless, cos im sure u dun forget a relationship that lasts 2 yrs so easily. after reading her msg, i guess i was wrong. she still wanted me. she was waiting for me to take action.

but how could i, the sight of them together just makes me sad. i wish i could break them up but that would have been too selfish of me. i just want to see her happy. when i see the pictures of her so happy, u tink i wanna disrupt her current relationship and trouble her?

noble or stupid i really duno. her msg yesterday really shooked me. did i miss my last chance to get back with her again? i think i blew it big time. initially my plan was to just remain low key just trying to remain friendly and hopefully there is a opening for me. but now i guess its over.

if only
if only
so many if onlys
i feel fucking miserable rite now
n im sailing out again soon
i hope they dun notice it

10:45 AM

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