September 25, 2005 COLOURED.

my computer is going gaga n i cant play dota becos of it... GRRRRRR

3:39 AM

September 22, 2005 COLOURED.

in case u didnt know, i am addicted to dota currently... yesh, i have been giving up my sleep for dota... lol so much so that i dun mind being scolded for looking so sleepy back in ship... LOL...

why is it so fun even though i keep losing n keep getting killed... becos i love to kill one even though i may die a hundred times... lol... duno y la, it is my way of escape from thinking abt the ship... i didnt told u abt the ship rite... last week was ultimate... at least this week feels like heaven to me... say more next time... right now i shall play more b4 i go back ship tml... lOL

12:28 AM

September 08, 2005 COLOURED.

why is it that with every entry that i write... nothing happy ever seems to come out of it... these are the darkest days of my life my friends... lol didnt i write about not sleeping properly for the 3 days... and u know what happened? i actually fell asleep when a chief is scolding us...

i wasnt sleeping la, just that my eyes got til the stage where u just find it damn hard to open loh... what to do, i received yet another punishment loh... though i not sure wat it was though until next monday when they announce what my punishment shall be... y next week instead of this week? becos i gave a very dumb excuse, anyway would they even bother to care about our contraints in the first place...

and for the first time in my life, ppl has actually labelled me a hypocrite... like wtf... honggy is a hypocrite... thats the first time i have ever heard that... i am so nice n harmless, how can ppl label me a hypocrite rite... or maybe already got ppl say me behind my back liao just that i duno only... like that they oso hypocrite leh, still say me... either their eyes must be growing in their anus or born blind to call me a hypocrite... whatever la, ppl know me well enuf to know what type of a person i am... so i cant really be bothered with those idiots...

during the department meeting today, the who's-calling-who-a-hypocrite crept up again... in front of officer say like so nice... n i know the officer is very concerned about me becos he has seen me do so many things n being ordered to do this do that... he knows i am dead tired, and he always asked me if im okay or not... n the kuku go n say i got any unhappiness i can raise up, talk things thru, after the meeting all will be happy... yeam LIKE REAL!

he was like inviting me into bigger trouble... of course i wanted to voice out my unhappiness, but i know once i do that, it will be harder to get along with my department even though it is already very hard in the first place... no one really bothers about me anyway... maybe one or two do care abt me, but thats not the kind of care that i wanted... and since my chief keeps saying that my head is getting too big... everyone thinks i have a very big ego...

so if i m not opening my mouth to ask questions becos they think i am too proud to ask for fear of malu myself... surely they will say that i m not opening my mouth to talk to gers becos they think i am too handsome to do that... but too bad they duno how to apply the latter, they onli know how to use the former on me... see? ppl suck...

see, its the best trainee tag tat makes everyone think i am this proud person... i really duno what to say la... everytime keep putting me down... these are the times when i need someone to confide to... and there is only one person i am interested in confiding in... but she didnt pick up my call that day... :(

the only way i am staying alive is waiting for messages at night... not from her, from someone crazy... LOL, at least she can help me maintain my sanity and remind me that i can still be funny when the days are gloomy... :D

10:44 PM

September 06, 2005 COLOURED.

saturday night never slp go back ship do duty... can endure until evening time wan to die liao... and then monday night duty in the poor timing again with lack of ship... end up overslept one hour... and now i still haben sleep yet...

think next time i really cannot go home... go home i dun wan to slp one... lol... then now eyes so super shagged... just this afternoon finish running the legs so soft and my head damn dizzy... now still dizzy...

duno how am i going to survive tml, tml nite sure have to slp though... wednesday fire fighting... just endure one more day...

5:17 AM

September 04, 2005 COLOURED.

how is life now... sucks...

back in school, u are wondering abt i am doing nothing and making money just by studying, so relaxing sia except for cannot go home on weekdays...

here i am onboard ship and now i am wondering why am i doing so many things... then i decided that money doesnt come easy at all liao...

when we went for singapore poly at the maritime there, i saw xue n her hand was injured... so poor thing, i wanted to do something but... haiya no balls... sucks...

week in week out always kena punished, my chief sucks... i know he is pushing me in such a way that i will remember forever but i dun like that type of coaching... this type is so fucking stress that sometimes i already gong gong liao loh when he ask me questions... if all goes smoothly, next week can everyday go home liao... but whats the point, my place so far away, waste money go there n come back ship... wanted to stay at ship n sleep but they always give u tasks to do, no time to rest one... but so far is becos understudy about duty so bo bian... when the day wheni have no understudy then i shall see how la...

they doubt that i have learned anything at all during the 2week sailing with 210 when they saw my performance on friday... finally that was my first time learning my own stuff, but the atmosphere was intimidating sia... and there i was in a daze... my mind completely blank loh, tell me to take visual or radar fix... kuku raining how to take visual... then the radar i duno how to see the land mass all that... so advanced sia... 210 at least more user friendly... got labels then some things can no nd to write one... down here must do so many weird things...

then the po3 down there telling me off, i think he was frustated wif me... lol like i give a fuck... i am sick n tired of all this go n find out go n find out stuff... u ask me questions n u want me to find out... if i dun have a clue as to where to even begin, how do i start asking around idiot...

when they keep saying my mouth inside got gold, keep sealing... i got nothing to say la... becos they keep asking me questions until i am fed up liao so i dun bother to answer them loh, i need to concentrate on my own business...

i know a lot of them knows i am a fast learner... but do u know how lousy i feel when i cant even do my specialized stuff... that is an extremely sucky feeling loh... n i tink they are also not very impressed with me so far... u know now i got phobia of taking fixes liao loh becos they keep putting me under pressure... i cant learn properly like that la...

duno why the more i stay at ship, the more i tink i need to get a girlfriend... LOL

they keep telling me if i got problems just voice out... but i dun wan to voice out to guys la... i wanna talk to my ger then hug her real tight... never felt that feeling b4 but i always think that it should be something nice ba... LOL somemore i think the ger would be happy loh, esp when u read so many news about gers thinking that guys are always abusing them n not voicing out their thoughts to them... at least i wun feel so miserable after that... but then, where to find gers!

some of them ask me got gf or not... if i got then die loh, i would keep thinking about when can be released so that i can go c my ger... they shook their heads when they ask are we virgins n we said yes... whats wrong wif that... never have sex before means not a man liao meh... i have already heard stories of them going overseas sleeping with all the prostitues all over the world whenever they go for sailing... after all my ship went for quite a lot of sailing... only recently slow down... and soon it wun be going for any sailing at all... not a good feeling to see ur peers onboard other ships going for sailng with tales to tell while i down here in sg doing duty n shit stuff...

i am afraid, of becoming like them if we do get to go overseas... although i belong to the horny kind, i cant bring myself to go n do it with prostitutes... its not about clean or not clean la, i still feel that its beter with ur gf rite... if dun have then nvm loh,its not like i will die if i dun have sex... but its still too early to tell la... esp when i heard news of how one of them was duped into doing it... poor fellow but nonetheless he enjoyed it... LOL...

i know its common for them to go around find gers n have sex but i was shocked when i heard one of ship crew is also doing it... wah lan, i thought he was a family man wun do anything funny one... but i guess men are men ba... so advice to girls, dun find guys in the navy becos alot of them are cheaters... i am in no position to cheat becos i dun have a ger yet, so i am innocent! hahaha, time will tell if i am a horny bastard or am i really an angel in disguise... i do hope i am the latter...

1:21 AM


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